::Zombie Jesus::
Featuring a Cast of Thousands.

The Cast section will be updated as each new character is introduced.

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Zombie Jesus

Born of a woman and her les dangerous liason* with a Sky Fairy (or somesuch), Jesus was tried and hung as a traitor to the cause, the causes in those days being different to the causes today (admittedly not by much, also the word "hung" meant "chucked on some big cross thing"). Tiring rather quickly of this state of affairs, Jesus mysteriously came back as a zombie, much to the amusement and horror of his friends.

*excuse my French


Previously an, ahem, "lady of the night," Mary became one of the followers of Living Jesus. Her simple feminine mind was usually so awed at his wisdom that all she could do was snicker. Then, sadly, Jesus died. Now he's back, and Mary Magdalene is willing to do what it takes to milk the situation for all it's worth.

Close friend of Mary, Joanna is considerably more reliable and every bit the straight man of the two. Not much else is known about Jo, other than her fetish for collecting arcane trivia about the Hebrew Bible and her amazing ability to misunderstand dirty jokes.


Tax collector extraordinaire, Matthew is fond of all things green and papery, and I'm not just talking about green paper. His approach to the whole Zombie Jesus situation is one of mistrust laced with ideas for business opportunities. What zany adventures will his wacky ideas get him into this week?


The fanatic of the group, Sy is the loyal follower of Jesus in his new incarnation, though he does has a tendency to ignore reality in favour of his own warped view of the world. Despite this, Sy remains every part the annoying uptight killjoy that typifies the type of fervent believer we all know and love.


While Tom was once a firm believer in Jesus, the occult and other weird oo-lies, he has since come to his senses. Most of his time is now spent annoying Sy with his healthy, if somewhat sarcastic, skepticism. He remains confident that the current "anomaly" of ZeeJay's return will in time resolve itself, leaving him free to dream up ways of wigging Sy out.

Peta, Peta, Peta. Where to begin? Rumoured to be the daughter of a Greco-Roman wrestler and a goddess -- though it may just be that she herself started this one -- she predictably bears the signs of rebelling against her godly upbringing. Prone to speaking her mind, Peta lives in horror that her friends may discover that she secretly hoards unicorn figurines.


Judas remains unhappy to this day over his portrayal in 'the Incident', as it became known. Then one day not long ago, Zombie Jesus ate his brains. Judas' current feelings on the matter of his treason are not known, though it is suspected that he no longer cares, due to a change in priorities.

The Living Tales of Zombie Jesus
Copyright 2004 L.S.
Unauthorised copying, distribution or use is strictly prohibited, so don't even think of it, Bub.

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